I'm one well-trained human

Those of you who think that dogs are stupid, needy, hairy things have so got it wrong. You know what they say about people, that you watch out for the quiet ones? Yeah, its exactly the same. The moment you're secure in the fact that you're the master, that's when you're guard's down and trust me...they know!

Case in point: Everyday, when I come home from work, shopping, or a 5 minute walk around the neighbourhood, Chassard greets me like I came back from the dead. He whines, jumps at the gate and wags his tail so hard his entire body swings with it. It makes you feel pretty darn good. But truth be told, he's an attention-seeking mongrel with a hidden agenda.

The sneaky bugger has developed the art of trapping me between the gate and his large frame, only moving once I've given him a good fussing. He's probably been doing this for some time but I've only just realised it. You see, that face is so full of doggy joy it completely disarms you into thinking he's simply happy to see you.

Two things cued me into his scheme:
1) When I try to move, he doesn't buge. (He's learnt how to trap me into one corner so that I can't even lift my leg over his big fat frame.)
2) He only does it to me...no one else!

So I started observing. He's actually got quite a system going.

Step 1: Greet owner enthusiatically with disarmingly ernest face.
Step 2: Once owner has entered the gate, owner will turn around to latch gate. Standby position.
Step 3: When owner turns back, owner's legs are trapped from the knees down. Continue looking desperate while wagging tail. Once owner has rubbed head, neck, shoulders and rump, dash towards shoe cupboard.
Step 4: Position body strategically between door and owner. Wait patiently for owner to place shoes. Dart back and forth until owner gives another head rub while hunting for keys.
Step 5: Place nose right at the door and dash inside when it opens. If this fails, whine pathetically after owner enters until allowed in.
NOTE: Always look devastated whenever owner does not follow procedure.

Frankly, I don't really mind too much, afterall it demonstrates that though he's a mongrel, he's got smarts. But it does beg the question: Who's training who??