Danny's Best Friend

Rhoda, our domestic helper of 6 years left for Chile yesterday. As she was the one in the house most of the time, she also was the one Danny hung out with the most. This was most poignant at dinner time, when he would stare down the stairs waiting for her to come up and feed him, and give her the biggest welcome when she came home.

"I love you...."



So far, I don't think he understands that Rhoda's gone for good. (He can be rather oblivious.) But then let's give him a few days. I know some people are a bit insulted when I say dogs are like children ("Nooooo! How could you say that??!!"), but in many ways they are - happy-go-lucky, live-in-the-now, never worrying or caring about the future...

My family's always had Filipino helpers since I was a kid, which is quite typical of many Singaporean families. The first one I remember was Evelyn - glasses and a cheeky smile. With both parents working and my brothers busy at school, I would often follow her about the house (much like Danny), peppering her with questions and trying to help her but messing up. I don't remember much about the day she arrived, but the day she left was the day I understood the meaning of forever.

You see, when people you care about go on holiday or work/study overseas, they come back. Even if they migrate, they pop back for visits or you can take a trip to see them. For maids, that goodbye means you'll probably never see them again.

Then came Mary - soft-spoken and sweet-natured. I still remember the day after she arrived coming back from school and wondering if she would mind hanging out. I snuck downstairs and peeked round the door to her room. I did it a few times, quickly pulling my head back when she looked up, until she decided to invite me in to stop the poltergeist effect. She would stay up with me in my room when the rest of the family went out (I was afraid of the dark). Back then, I never understood why she wouldn't let me lend her my mom's blanket and pillows, even after I carried them in for her. When she left, I was sad and angry, not with her but with the situation. I remember sitting in my room, refusing to go downstairs to say goodbye. Instead, Mary put down her luggage and came upstairs. "Come, let's kiss," she said, before planting a kiss on each cheek. And then she was gone.

After that, I decided that there was no point getting close to someone for them to leave again. The following helpers came and went in a blur. There were one or two who did try to make friends with me but I would have none of that. Even Nellie, who stayed with us for about 10 years, I would talk to but I wouldn't share with. When she left, it was with a cheerful "Hey, all the best!" - I liked her and I genuinely wished her well but I had grown somewhat cold and pragmatic.

Things changed a few years after Rhoda arrived. Perhaps it happened a bit late in my case, but I finally understood that people don't come into our lives by chance. And that the meeting, however brief, must have a purpose that we will only discover if we open ourselves to it.

So I did. Once again, after almost 30 years, I confided in a stranger from another land who lived with us, silently supporting us however she could as we went about our mundane lives. She bore witness to my family's ups and downs and through her eyes, I began to see that things weren't always as bad or as hard or as unfair as I had made them out to be. I understood there were many things to be thankful for and even more that I took for granted.

Yesterday was tinged was sadness but instead of being mixed with anger like it was so many years ago, this time, it was blended with joy. Rhoda is moving on to better things that will benefit her family and her children's future, and how could I begrudge her that?

There's an old Chinese saying: "It matters not the length nor the breadth of time; what matters is that our paths once crossed". And thanks to the internet, perhaps they will cross again in cyberspace...

Rhoda and me at Gerry's Grill

 

 

Oh, and if you've ever been a maid or a nanny to a family with a spoiled, fussy brat, there's a good chance that years after you've left, he or she still thinks about you every now and then, and wishes you all the happiness in the world. I know I do.  :)